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After 284 Days Bossy Gets A Haircut And Begins The New Countdown Until It Can Be Fixed.

eBay-ad

Really? Google is renting 600 pixels from Bossy in order to hawk $3 bumper stickers? Bossy gets a percentage of every item sold, so you can imagine her anticipation about the half penny she’ll receive in six years.

For this reason and less, way less—Bossy can no longer do this every time she needs a haircut. But lucky for Bossy there are people who can make her cry cut her hair only a few miles from her house!

The first thing Bossy did on castration day hair appointment day was decide what to wear, because your salon outfit conveys who you are to the hairstylist. For instance you can convey, “I am conservative”, or “I am arty”, or in Bossy’s case, “I am a Mortician.”

closet

After much agonizing and changing in and out of white tank tops, Bossy chose this outfit:

belt

And then Bossy decided to wear her funky boots:

boots-too

All dressed and armed with hair photos, Bossy began her journey to the salon, which was every bit as inspiring as being in New York City:

the-drive

And before she knew it she had arrived at the intersection of Madison Avenue and Hopeless:

madison-avenue

A few minutes later Bossy was pulling into her new salon’s parking lot:

salon-sign

And honestly, once Bossy was situated in her parking space she didn’t know what she was so worried about:

salon

Inside the salon, Bossy changed into a hospital gown smock and spoke with her new stylist. Bossy’s stylist looked at all of the photos Bossy brought of her various haircuts and the stylist understood immediately what Bossy had in mind:

bossy-photo

Next the stylist applied some highlights and stuck Bossy under a dryer and set the timer:

beauty-parlor

It may interest some of you to know how Bossy thought she could get away with taking photos. Well. Bossy simply told those around her she was trying to learn how to use her camera!

method-actor

After just a few minutes of baking sitting, Bossy was able to capture a portrait of her new stylist:

beautician

And then an interesting thing happened. Bossy began reading her camera manual and she learned a few amazing tricks:

focus-objects

Twenty minutes later it was time to wash the highlights out of her hair:

highlights

And finally Bossy’s hair was ready for the cut, which was over before Bossy could say, “My other stylist is from Rome.”

day-three

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. you and i have the same issue. i ALWAYS hate my hair and i usually cry. i have been putting off a hair cut forever now.
    good luck.

    Reply

  2. Love the belt, your hair looks fab. I actually go to a barber shop for my cut & highligts. YES WAY! The picture does look just like you, it’s the last picture that doesn’t bear any resemblance to Bossy.

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  3. Oh, you’re funny! I don’t have the train rides, but I do spend the same hours in front of the closet, thinking the same things about what to wear… For what it’s worth, though, I think the hair looks cute. That make up job, though… are letters across the face in this year?

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  5. My last hair cut was so good that I actually shrieked when I looked up from the magazine I was reading and saw that my hair was a good 4 inches shorter than I had told her.
    Needless to say my next hair appointment is in a different salon.
    I think your hair looks good, actually.

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  7. Do you have a mask on in that last picture? Oh, a Day Three mask! Boy, hair is a complicated thing. I love my hair the day of the cut because the stylist fixes it so nicely, like I never will be able to master in a million years. If only you could take your head off and blow dry it like they do!

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  9. I.FEEL.YOUR.PAIN.

    SINCE 456 hours 33 minutes and 22 seconds ago when I received the haircut and PERM from HELL.(I asked for a little more body which in Stylist Speak must mean..PERM from HELL)
    Yours looks MUCH nicer.

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  10. You need to see me. I can give you the same Ron-bob I give horses.

    Incidentally, there is a before and after of this young woman on your site who undergoes a makeover. You wouldn’t happen to know how I can get her phone number, would you? See, I have this Uhhumm, friend.

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  12. I never thought I’d say this, but thank God I’m semi-bald. My monthly haircut involves me standing in the bathtub and running the beard trimmer over my head until it no longer cuts anything. Then a shower.

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  13. I prefer the salons in which the stylists call you hun and dangle cigs outta their mouths while talking to you. Invariably the ash is twice as long as the cigarette, which is not a problem because they’ll sweep it all away with the hair and the scalp and the blood anyway, see?

    Make peace with your hair, Bossy — those of us with board-straight hair covet it.

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  14. That was really funny. Your hair salon looks like one of the out buildings of a women’s prision (not that I would know). If you could only sell enough bumper stickers…

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  15. I always think I am going to go CRAZY and WILD when I finally make the appt to get my hair did. Then I sit in the chair, sigh a few times and tell her to trim and highlight/color GET RID OF GRAY. And keep it the same. thanks.

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  16. Haircuts/styling is one of the areas where the old saying “You get what you pay for” is painfully obvious. At the rate of one haircut every 284 days – it seems well worth it to stash away $20/month to treat yourself to the next one.
    There’s a fancy salon here in Chapel Hill where you can get your hair cut for about $75, if you want to wait that long and end up swinging by during the road trip! 😉

    Reply

  18. From what I can tell you look great – we need a better photo!

    We’re belt sisters. I decided that living in the southwest means I have to weat turquoise-studded dinner plates with crisp white shirts. Why?

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  20. Bossy just HAS to try CURLS ROCK Curl Amplifier by TIGI. My hair is the same as Bossy’s and this product is amazing. Bouncy curls instead of frizz. 🙂

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  23. Your husband does not know. But YOU should know better! Dude, whether it’s Manhattan or the other side of the MOON, you don’t take chances once you’ve found “the One”.

    I’m just appalled you let your husband have a say in how you spend his money. Honestly Bossy. I expected more from you.

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  24. This has reminded VUBOQ that he needs to make an appointment with Leah, the Colornatrix. Also, take heart! I hear “black tar” is the new “blond.”

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  25. Bossy Rocks! Seriously, the worst part for me is coming up with witty (or even half-baked interesting) repartee to exchange w/ my stylest. Me thinks taking the camera along would be a great way to get people around you to just shud urp!

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  27. Whatchoo talkin’ about Willis? It looks good.

    I just broke up with my stylist because last time I was there she gave me a Carol Brady and I had to wear it in a pony until it grew out. To add insult to injury, she charged more than usual.

    But now, I’ve found someone new. Someone who understands I don’t want a mullet.

    Reply

  28. Train him like a dolphin or a kid under Super Nanny. After your next NYC appointment, come home and have recklessly wild hotel sex (only if you want to, I wouldn’t suggest complete manipulation, just an attempt to describe the pleasure of a good stylist in language he understands and as a POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT.) If you do as instructed, Mr. Bossy will finally understand how it makes you feel and will beg you to go every month. It will mess up your just done do, but such is the price.

    Reply

  31. Elvis doesn’t want that belt back, girl – he’s got bigger ones!
    I love the whole “sneak the camera in” – very inventive! We could be very dangerous together, Bossy – two evil geniuses in a room with gin/vodka/tequila – fuhget abowt it!

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  32. Would pacing up and down outside the salon with a sandwich board advertising that “THEY did this!” get them to GIVE you the money to go to Manhattan and fix it?

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  35. Bossy, you look great! Because, to be honest, you’d probably look great bald. So, the mere fact you still have hair, lots of it, on your head means your look fab!

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  36. i guess i’m lucky because my hair just looks boring and meh no matter how i get it cut, so it’s not really capable of being too crazy in a bad way. but then again it can’t be crazy in a good way, either…

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  37. Oh, I sympathize. I can never find anyone to cut my hair right. I had a good stylist in my old town, and I’ve told my husband we may have to move back there just so I can have someone who understands how to do razor-cut layers properly.

    And I’m saving all of your hair posts for when my daughter Cordy is older. She has (super) curly hair and will need to know this kind of information.

    Reply

  40. Uh oh. Poor Bossy’s hair. A bad haircut is the worst. I’m growing out my hair and because it’s curly and it was really short, it puffs out almost like an Iro (that’s the Irish equivalent to an Afro). When I first got it tamed, I shrieked: DON’T MAKE IT INTO A MULLET! because it kind of looked that way. The owner gave me a very snotty look. I don’t think they appreciate me very much. And by the way, I don’t have a mullet.

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  41. Ok hair nails nervous breakdowns was PERFECT!

    I finally found a person who gets it right 63.5 % of the time. God forbid anything happen to her….

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  44. I have not had a bad haircut in over 10 years.

    About 11 years ago, I decided to NEVER have my hair cut again. In my “Female-Sampson” waist-length ponytail I shall be buried. Enough was enough.

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  48. I go to the $15/a cut Aveda Institute in my area. The students are freshly trained and under the hawk-eye of their teachers! It is hard to mess up long boring hair cuts, though. I have long boring hair. I always think I will end up doing something “different” and it ends up the same.
    Chocolate will ease the pain.

    Reply

  50. I REALLY love those brown boots and, since this proves my great taste, I will take you to my wonderful, talented and funny hair lady when you visit Portland, OR on Road Trip ’08.
    I promise you’ll be soooooo happy.

    Reply

  52. If you really, truly are unhappy, get back on the road and head south on 95 to DE and make an appt with Paul –

    http://www.pagave.com/index.html

    And don’t let the “Best of DE” distinction throw you off track – Paul really IS the best – in DE, DC, MD, PA – anywhere.

    Reply

  53. What I meant about the “best of DE” distinction is that most of those surveys / contests / whatevers are fixed. So ignore it. In a way.

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  55. If Bossy showed up for her appointment wearing those snazzy finger chewed gloves…the ones that match her safety pinned slippers…she probably scared the beeegeeezuz out of her new stylist.

    Your hair is gorgeous…..

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  56. Besides that panty on your head, I think the cut’s kinda cute. When you come this way, you can visit Carmen Cutrona, world-famous hair stylist –
    http://www.carmencarmensalon.com/ I can’t afford Carmen himself, but his talented underlings are marvelous, as well.

    You’re awesome no matter what – it’s not your hair that makes you who you are.

    Reply

  57. Right now I am wearing my very favorite Boston Red Sox ball cap because 1) I have team spirit and 2) because my stylist cut it too short at my last visit. So I feel your pain.

    You can always wear your Elvis belt around your head like a turban.

    Reply

  59. Having bone straight hair myself, I know nothing of the frustration that is curly hair. A doctor at my work has similar hair to yours and finally found someone she loves. I guess the trick is to get the cut first, but more importantly, get it cut DRY, then color. She’s had nothing but fantastic haircuts ever since.

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  60. I have frizzy/curly hair and I’ve been considering dreads but the hubs ain’t too crazy about the idea. I’m mostly just afraid my scalp would be itchy and I wouldn’t be able to get to it to scratch it properly. (That last sentence even made me say eewwwww.) Oh, well in another life maybe.

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  61. Oh..Bossy. I am so sorry about your hair. I once was getting my hair cut and the chick doing it was sooooo badly cutting my hair, I jumped up out of the seat, threw some 20 dollar bills at her and fled.

    You are still a cutie. A tad blurry, but cute.

    Reply

  62. Good grief!! On what day did this tragedy occur? Did you not take your own advice and consult the ALMANAC?!! Geez!!

    Reply

  63. i have to have serious contemplations on my outfit when i go to get my hair done. it’s like i told my husband, if your hairstylist thinks you don’t care about how you look, why would they? or maybe i’m paranoid.

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  64. Bossy should know that while one of her readers was getting her hair cut, her hair dresser collapsed to the floor. Yes, in the middle of her hair cut. You should also know that your reader performed CPR, along side a member of law enforcement, unsuccessfully on this hair dresser. And the hair dresser passed away. Worst hair cut E.V.E.R.

    Reply

  70. Love the method acting thing!! LOL It’s funny to read this post b/c I just got done reading about your last hair adventure not too long ago.

    Maybe you should come to Texas to get your hair done, the stylist here are pricey, but typically worth it! 🙂

    Reply

  72. LOL…I will use that “I’m learning how to use my camera trick” next time.

    From a little of what I can see…you still looked beautiful, but you made yourself look like you have an egg head.

    HEHE

    Reply

  74. You are funny…I think that if you’re only going every once or twice a year it’s worth paying for the one good cut. I know…my hair is the thick/coarse/not straight/not curly/frizzy one day/unruly every day type of hair and most people who have cut it can’t even do it straight on the bottom…for several years I did it myself since I figured if no matter what I was getting a bad cut I may as well get it free…hahha. I have since discovered a stylist who could easily end up as the TOP Hollywood stylist who can actually cut it right…she washes, dries and straightens my hair first, then cuts. Now I get by on a cut every 1 1/2 years…if you make it to salt lake on your road trip and feel like having your hair done i can point you to her, but I’d RATHER you spend the time at the coffee shop with me…hehehehe.

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  76. I don’t pay for haircuts because 1) I’m cheap 2) hairstylists always think I’m a frump instead of the hip young thing I want to be and cut my hair accordingly 3) I’m stylist’s chair phobic. Oh, and the last time I got a haircut, I went with my mom. She got a bad cut and got in a fight with the stylist. Yeah, it was traumatic.

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  77. I’m sure the hair looks just fine after applying your styling skills.

    Don’t feel bad. I once got the same haircut as Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men. And no, I didn’t ask for it.

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  79. Okay–How about convincing Mr. Bossy that your haircut and all of your Manhattan expenses on the day of said haircut are tax deductible since you do model for your site and your site does make a few pennies here and there selling bumper stickers?

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  80. Okay–How about convincing Mr. Bossy that your haircut and all of your Manhattan expenses on the day of said haircut are tax deductible since you do model for your site and your site does make a few pennies here and there selling bumper stickers?

    Reply

  84. So sorry about your hair Bossy. I hope that you can get an emergency appointment to your favorite hairstylist to fix the hair trauma. Good hair stylists are as important as finding a good gynecologist or dentist. In fact, Bossy is not the only one who drives far, far away to her favorite hairdresser. I drive 180 miles(one-way) to get to my salon. My stylist has been doing my hair for 20 years and is one of the best.

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  85. Oh Bossy. Hair cuts are evil tricks called One Big Money Drain. You’re forced to go back again. And again. and again. . . the matron just got a foot of her own heavenly locks chopped! Actually, they weren’t so heavenly: they were too damaged to donate for wigs for kids with cancer. Ouch.

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  86. You could do what I do. Cut out the middle man and hack your own hair. It not only saves you money, it saves you time as well. You won’t have to travel or pick out an ensemble and most importantly, no one will want to be seen with you, so all those hours you would have wasted socializing you could spend productively at home organizing your sock drawer, etc. And you get the bonus enjoyment of the expression on your partner’s face when you first turn the corner with your new Franken-do.

    Honestly, this curly hair that no one can cut, is for the birds. I’ll finally be free when I learn to be comfy with perpetual bed head.

    Reply

  89. Hey Miss Bossy!

    You are Gorgeous, Beautiful, Stunning, Elegant, Attractive, Striking, Good-Looking, Dazzling, Lovely, Magnificent…Will You Be My Valentine?

    Need a Laugh?…Read This!

    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken a back because he can’t place where he knows
    her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think
    you’re the father of one of my kids.”

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
    to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
    party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
    while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”

    She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”

    Reply

  90. I know this is an older post – but I am an 8 valium haircut. I don’t take the eight valium – I take 2 and give my hairdresser 6 because if I don’t like it I will cry, rant and rave!!! That was before 5 years ago when I found the most amazing hairdresser in East Hanover, NJ (I don’t know how close that is to you, but if you are going to Manhattan for a cut, it’s only 25 minutes away). I have NEVER had a bad cut from this guy, AND I have gone from short to long back to short to mid length and been able to grow out my hair without going back and without needing a trim. I have nothing bad to say about this guy and his work. And I can list about 2 dozen hairdressers from NYC to Philadelphia who have butchered my hair over the course of my lifetime.

    Reply

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