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We Have A Winner.

And for once Bossy isn’t talking about the elections. She is referring to the winner of the Name That Spread contest:

prize-winner

Bossy is particularly excited about the results of this contest because Tempered Woman stretched the dip photo in some sort of computer paint program and that’s when she spied the capers sitting behind the dip and therefore guessed Smoked Salmon spread, which is so cute and reminds Bossy to never again post a photo of anything in Bossy’s house.

Other honorable mentions go out to Sister Honey Bunch and we be toys and
Amy W and Flea and Rusalina and Mary Gese and especially Peg who said, “Lord if I win, whatever you do, do not send me any more junk from your basement.” Bossy has the most thoughtful readers reader.

Also? A big shout-out to Anne Nahm who didn’t just guess it was salmon spread but guessed it was the Barefoot Contessa’s salmon spread—which it is.

ina-garten-cabinets

And here is the exact Ina Garten recipe: you take some cream cheese and add something else, and then lemon and dill and then talk about your husband Jeffrey, and then add one other thing while your gay friend strings lights in the garden, then you mix that with some chopped smoked salmon while sucking air through your teeth at the mere mention of sour cream. Delish.

Next Bossy wants to talk about Oprah:

dr-oz

Who else watched Oprah yesterday when Dr. Oz revealed the solution to insomnia? Dr. Oz says that our lack of sleep, “strips years off of our real age,”—not to be confused with our pretend age, which is:

health-equation

But Bossy doesn’t understand why Dr. Oz is making all the fuss because isn’t years stripped from our age a good thing? It’s years stripped from our life that isn’t so swell. Anyway. And so Dr. Oz revealed the secret to beating insomnia and that secret is: Drift into sleep.

goofy

Gah, why didn’t someone tell Bossy that years ago? And all this time she thought the secret to sleep is remaining awake!

And speaking of secrets, Bossy can’t wait because today’s Oprah show is the secret behind the Secret. Last year Bossy wrote about the secret secret behind the Secret and it involves placing an order for a man with an enormous pickle—if you missed it now’s your chance!

And This Is Dr. Oz On Oprah. Well, Not On Oprah, Although Bossy Doesn’t Think Oprah Would Mind.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Oh, Bossy. You know my thoughts on Dr. Oz so well. May we all live the perfect life he lives. BTW – they did a feature on him at his house w/ his wife a few months ago. She did not look like a very nice lay-day. Maybe all that quinoa and chia got to her head.

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  2. I hate to be the one to tell you this but there is something wrong with your frog.

    I would like to know what, other than drifting, more abrupt way there is to get to sleep, short of having someone thonk you on the forehead with a rubber mallet.

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  4. Whoooo-hoooo! I am so smart! S-M-A-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T! Thanks for the shout out!

    I am not even bummed about missing out on those floater candles. As a mom of small children, ‘floaters in the bathtub’ still brings flashbacks and a certain amount of shuddering on my part.

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  9. Our local news previews have been agog recently over the fact that on Thursday, at the 5:00 broadcast, right after Oprah, Dr. Oz, HIMSELF, will join our local anchor to answer YOUR QUESTIONS.

    (My husband: “Who’s Dr. Ox?”)

    Oprah is secretly taking over the world, isn’t she?

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  10. I now really regret removing myself from the contest. It came to me in the middle of the night, if I collect enough of your stuff, I can fulfill my dream of moving to Paris and opening a Bossy brocante.

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  12. Oh my gosh. That doctor is a genius. Someone needs to give him a real job!

    In the mean time I’ll just be here drifting off to sleep (for 4 hours every night) stripping years off my age! Who knew it was so easy!?

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  14. I was so close! I was sure there was white chocolate in there.

    JennyM, bossy is secretly taking over the world. What do you think this road trip is all about.

    Dr. Oz is a genius. Drifting off to sleep. I guess that means no more alcohol induced siestas.

    I gotta run–I’m missing the secret secret right now.

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  15. When the Secret Lady told me not to look at poor people and ugly people and weird people and people with skin funkiness because I would ATTRACT those qualities, I realized I can’t look at the Secret Lady! Ta-da. I have a free hour today!

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  18. Dang it-I thought nailed it w/my asiago, artichoke, cheddar guess. Another dang it, I am going to miss Oprah today! I need to know that Secret big time.

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  20. Rawr. I did see Dr. Oz start to strip on Oprah yesterday. Those 15 pull-ups were delish. Sadly, the show made me cry because I realized I’m like the 48 year woman with the body of a 60 year old. I’m so old at 35. I feel old. But he said wine was good, so I immediately sloshed myself a glash of shiraz. Then, I slept with my feet in the air on the upside of the couch to get some sleep last night. Maybe you should try it??

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  22. uhm- ohmyfrackingah! I about peed (ok- i did a little) when I saw a comment from you on my blog. Like~ holy crap she’s real. I’m not just imagining this right?? And then I mosey on over here and get the second biggest heart stopping event of my life. My name- held in your fingers. Like Bossy actually wrote down MY name (blog- close enuff) and held it up and took a picture (how the hell did you manage that by the way? don’t you need fingers to push the little camera button thingy?)and maybe you even said my name out loud. Holy crap on a stick!
    Uhm, so I’d just like to say I’ll never begrudge my cheap art software again. Photoshop schmotostop. And uhm, so do I actually get to have the candles? And will you autograph them? Like really? I just need to know if I should pretend I don’t want them so I’ll appear cooler in your eyes. Whatever Bossy wants Bossy can have. Oh~ Bossy wants me to be quiet now. K.

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  26. Bossy, you are too funny! Hey, let’s see a pic of your new and improved hair!

    PS-What does Bossy’s husband do for work anyway?

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  27. Ah me, to think I was away and missed this spiffing competition. By the way, when ARE you going to organise that Euro blog tour? London is feeling Left Out.

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  28. I can’t even begin to think of anything remotely clever enough to post here, but I must say I absolutely love your blog!! I sit here at work laughing through the entire thing. I totally agree about Ina (love her, though – and I have the same wallpaper in my kitchen!), and Dr. Oz, and all that good stuff. Who ever knew that The Secret to fighting Insomnia was simply Drifting Off to Sleep? Here I thought there was an actual technique involved. Heh.

    Thanks for brightening my days!

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  29. Hey! I’m just cheesed to have even come close – I never eat salmon dip unless its the one with chipotle that my brother makes – which is why I guessed that!

    Is it me or does Dr. Oz kind of look like a chunky version of Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees?

    Drift off to sleep…and he’s getting PAID to tell us that – that’s the part that pisses me off.

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  30. All those doctor’s appointments, the sleep apnea diagnosis, all the fancy machinery, the tubes up my husband’s nose, and all he had to do all this time was DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP?!?

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  31. I miss the contest but I wouldn’t have guessed it right anyway. I assumed it was a trick question. I would have guessed “There is no spoon.”

    Are you coming to Houston on your road trip? If so, let’s host an intervention together. I don’t know who for but I bet we can find someone.

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  33. Bossy. You have to square (cute shoes + belt) once they’re added, not just square belt.

    So, it’s

    Pretend age = [real age (cute shoes + belt)^2]/bad habits.

    Can you tell I’ve been helping with far too much homework lately?

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  35. I get the Barefoot Contessa confused with Paula Deen. But that’s because the only time I watch the food network is while I’m in the waiting room at the physical therapist’s office and I’ve never waited long enough to see an entire recipe made.

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  37. I thought of you when he said drifting off to sleep. Maybe you should really practice the drifting part, that must be it.

    I love Dr. Oz. I wonder though, why the other doctor barely speaks.

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  39. Wait a minute! Wait a MIN-UTE! I want to talk about that pickle! I like pickles! I hope you were referring to a real pickle. (hanging my head in disgust at my thoughts)

    Dr. Oz is the man! Well… sometimes, but Oprah thinks so all the time, I think!

    Tanya

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  40. I missed that episode, but it doesn’t sound like I missed anything after all. I will stop drifting to sleep every night, thus stripping years from my age and adding years to my life. And then I will go to medical school.

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  41. Huh! Sleep is a very over-rated pastime in any event. Anyone who needs more than 4 hours is a sissy!

    Cheers

    [that’s once a week mind, not every 24 hours = super sissy]

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  45. I SAW that Oprah yesterday. And, I never admit I watch Oprah! I’m in big trouble apparently because I have two kids under 2.5 — I don’t know WHO’S sleeping in my house (well, the hubby and the 2.5 year old are….).

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  47. bossy. how did i miss the secret secret behind the secret post? it would’ve helped about a month ago when i couldn’t sleep (clearly, i hadn’t heard the drift off method) and ordered the movie “the secret” on pay per view expecting a 2nd rate knock off of the da vinci code, and was instead treated to a 2 hour infomercial. frick. i am envisioning myself ordering GOOD movies on pay per view. superbad, here i come.

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  48. I had to go back and re-read this whole Dr. Oz thing. Thank God because I couldn’t figure out why any man with an enormous pickle would be wearing pull-ups.

    I still think there was a green tree sprout growing in the dip.

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  52. Oh Bossy, dear Bossy,
    hear my plea
    That googley-eyed orange thing?
    Send it to me
    I will pay you some money
    Help ease my stress
    April 15th approaches,
    And I work for the IRS

    Reply

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