Hi. I’m Fidel Castro.
And I know what you’ve been saying—you think I actually died following my 2006 surgery for Intestinal Bleeding. Muerto! Ah, but I didn’t. Es un rumor. No es verdad.
After all, if I died would I be able to walk? Like this? Can’t you see me walking? Down the streets of Havana? See me swing my fuerte arms?
Still unsure? Well here I am walking down the same street just yesterday:
And I ask you – could a dead man sit and read today’s Cuban newspaper? Huh?
Just because it takes an 82-year-old caballero just a little longer to get out of bed in the morning. ¡Dios Mío!
Jenny, Bloggess says
February 20, 2008 at 9:11 amYou are weird.
I like that about you.
By the way, I just accidentally deleted the comment you left on my gay zombie post and have no idea how to get it back. I just didn’t want you to think that I’d deleted intentionally because you’re so offensive.
I like that you’re so offensive.
Miss Wisabus says
February 20, 2008 at 9:20 amDead Fidel is much easier on the eyes that Live Fidel — or Fidel: Live! coming to a city near you.
Miss Wisabus says
February 20, 2008 at 9:21 amthan, not that. but you’re smart so you realized it.
Say What? says
February 20, 2008 at 9:24 amI like that Bossy getsto the heart (or in this case: the bones) of the matter. Who knew Fidel was still kickin’ around Cuba having a good time smokin’ cigars, readin’ the paper and getting massages.
Jacki says
February 20, 2008 at 9:34 amYou crack me up!
Momo Fali says
February 20, 2008 at 9:40 amSuddenly I have images of Fidel singing, “The leg bone’s connected to the knee bone. The knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone”…
All Adither says
February 20, 2008 at 9:48 amHey, that’s a German newspaper? No? I’m bad with languages. But those words don’t look Spanish.
Jenn @ Jugging Life says
February 20, 2008 at 9:51 amBut Fidel looks so young and vital yet!
Haley says
February 20, 2008 at 9:56 amthis is great! 🙂 Y De nada para el catorce dolares, I hope it helps you get down here to visit!
The Domestic Goddess says
February 20, 2008 at 10:07 amThat’s a really good picture of Fidel. You should send it to him.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says
February 20, 2008 at 10:14 amWeekend at Castros.
we_be_toys says
February 20, 2008 at 10:22 amIt does seem odd that Fidel reads a german newspaper, but dios mio! Such fun!
meleah rebeccah says
February 20, 2008 at 10:22 amHilarious.
Ellen says
February 20, 2008 at 10:27 amI know he’s not dead… I saw a guy just like that last October!
Sheryl says
February 20, 2008 at 10:32 amHave the highlight lowlight chemicals finally seeped into the ol noggin ?
Prof. J. says
February 20, 2008 at 10:50 amPoor Fidel. He can’t catch a break.
Michael says
February 20, 2008 at 10:52 amI know what ol’ Fidel is going through. I resembled a walking skeleton throughout highschool and people often thought I was dead with my pacific northwest “tan” and my 6 foot 90 pound frame. But alas, it was just youth, and now, fat. All Fidel needs is a cheeseburger and he’ll be fine and dictating again in no time.
Emily R says
February 20, 2008 at 10:57 amI think he’s been dead for ages. Those sneaky commies, trying to ease him gently out of office even though he kicked the bucket hace 19 meses.
Alice says
February 20, 2008 at 10:58 ami totally suspected he was dead! please thank fidel for this enlightening post clearing things up for me.
Greta says
February 20, 2008 at 11:09 amSee, now I totally thought that was Heidi Fleiss before I read it. I was all thinkin’, “Wow, Bossy and Heidi are tight like OJ’s glove.”
MamaMo says
February 20, 2008 at 11:55 amBossy needs to bottle up and sell whatever is the source of all her energy – I need some (and I think Fidel could use a shot or two as well).
Evolving says
February 20, 2008 at 12:03 pmWhat??? Who is this Castro guy?? And why is he walking around with the dinosaurs? And furthermore, where did you get an x-ray machine!!? I am so jealous.
Tootsie Farklepants says
February 20, 2008 at 12:18 pmCorpse Fidel is much easier to spot than Corpse Elvis.
Avitable says
February 20, 2008 at 12:28 pmSo he’s a robot now?
Assertagirl says
February 20, 2008 at 12:38 pmYeah, isn’t it great that Fidel’s “younger”, only 76-year-old not quite as ancient brother will be stepping in?
Flea says
February 20, 2008 at 12:54 pmI’m so glad I read you, Bossy! I had no idea that the dead Fidel had stepped down. Isn’t it a very fun thought that some of us turn to you and you alone as our source for accurate reporting on national and world events?
Surcie says
February 20, 2008 at 12:55 pmI love that you grasp news, politics, history, etc. so that I don’t have to.
jody says
February 20, 2008 at 1:03 pmLMAO
Bossy must make Fidel Youtube video, complete with a skeleton smoking a cigar, no?
Clare says
February 20, 2008 at 3:00 pmok–this post cracked me up , as did your ad for Christian dating. Who knew that Christians like big breasted blondes too–Boosy your site keeps on teaching us.
David says
February 20, 2008 at 3:08 pmElian!
Oh, The Joys says
February 20, 2008 at 3:16 pmSo let me get this straight… Fidel is old? Heh.
Christine says
February 20, 2008 at 3:35 pm¡muy bien!
Suzanne says
February 20, 2008 at 3:37 pm*snort* Thank you for not posting up any pics of Fidel’s slightly younger brother… which would be a skeleton still adorned with decomposing flesh. Eww… I hope the man doesn’t take power, the newspaper will be too creepy to read.
whall says
February 20, 2008 at 3:44 pmI swore I saw him at McDonald’s the other day…
imbeingheldhostage says
February 20, 2008 at 5:02 pmThis was a crack up! Muito funn-io. I really would love to be a stop on your road trip, do you have one of those Duck mobiles?
Mom101 says
February 20, 2008 at 5:06 pmAnother Bossy classic.
But dude…
No cigar?
Mimipz5wjj says
February 20, 2008 at 5:33 pmHilarious!
anastasia beaverhausen says
February 20, 2008 at 5:45 pmHow did you do the upside down exclamation marks that are the hallmark of Spanish punctuation? Inquiring minds want to know.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
February 20, 2008 at 6:24 pmHe stepped down because he saw what happened to Emeril and fears another hostile takeover is imminent.
Un hombre inteligente. Pero un hombre, y Marta no le gustan los hombres (or les gusta, or los gustan or less gusto or whatever).
Amy says
February 20, 2008 at 8:15 pmWe were just talking today at lunch about how Fidel was like Bernie in “Weekend at Bernie’s”
erin says
February 20, 2008 at 8:22 pmI’ll bet Fidel is really out there kickin’ it with Elvis.
Hotdog says
February 20, 2008 at 11:06 pmI agree.
I think it’s a cover cause he’s already d.e.a.d.
Queeny says
February 20, 2008 at 11:52 pmBossy, you know everybody (or is Bossy just a name-dropper?).
tyn says
February 21, 2008 at 12:01 amare you trying to make me wet my pants laughing? or is that just an extra?
Dr Zibbs says
February 21, 2008 at 9:37 amExcellent, Excellent skeleton art graphics.
Mandy says
February 21, 2008 at 10:21 amThis is totally one of my favorite blogs. You are hystericcally funny and talented. I read every day an I even show my hubby and he laughs, too… and he has a warped sense of humour and hardly laughs at anything!
mr.lootiatto says
February 21, 2008 at 10:38 amFidel and Cuba better be careful what they ask for when asking that the embargo be lifted..
they will then have to deal with all of our idiots during SPRING BREAK!!!
Foolery says
February 21, 2008 at 12:15 pmSo Fidel was with the Grateful Dead? Huh. And all this time I thought their cover art was Karen Carpenter.
stephanie says
February 22, 2008 at 2:41 pmYou’ve made my eye sockets hurt; that is muy rico. Jon Stewart would be proud of such an expose.
Kelly says
February 23, 2008 at 9:18 pmI remember Fidel being somewhat fleshier. Thanks for the laugh!
michael bains says
February 28, 2008 at 7:29 pmI think I know how ol’ Fidelio feels. At least after driving back to Cleveland from Milwaukee in the middle of the winter.
Oy!
Say “hey” to Mosla for me!