Once upon a time in a castle hassle far far away lived a Bossy.
And one day the princely Onlineshoes.com did something they will forever regret: they arranged a Dansko giveaway for Bossy’s readers. The next thing you know, Bossy was ordering a pair of Dansko shoes to test drive:
Bossy loved that they were Danskos, but weren’t actually clogs. And then she decided she didn’t love that they weren’t clogs.
So Bossy returned the Dansko sandals and ordered a pair of green Dansko clogs. But when they arrived she discovered they fit completely unlike her aging pair of Danskos even though they were the same size:
So Bossy got back on the phone with the very patient Onlineshoes.com and explained the manufacturing issue and Onlineshoes said no problem. And then they said problem. Because the green clogs had sold out. And so Bossy selected these:
And Onlineshoes said no problem. And then they said problem: the blue clogs were sold out in Bossy’s size. But then Onlineshoes.com suggested Bossy try the blue clogs in a different smaller size since the green pair were too large. And so the smaller blue pair were shipped out. A couple of days later Bossy noticed the green clogs were available again, and so she ordered a pair of those in a different size figuring one of the two pairs had to fit:
They didn’t. Fit. So Bossy sent the whole mess back and dialed Onlineshoes.com, who have received so many calls from Bossy, their operators now answer the company phones in this way, “Onlineshoes-dot-com, how can we help you, Bossy?”
At this point, Onlineshoes.com tells Bossy she doesn’t have to stick with Dansko, she can order any shoes she wants from their entire site Just hurry and do it woman and get out of our lives forever please thank you.
Except when they finally arrived and Bossy tried them on, they weren’t cute Mary Jane heels at all.
So then Bossy… anyone? Anyone? She phoned blah blah and they were all blah blah and Bossy explained blah blah and then she selected a different pair of Mary Jane heels:
Manic Mommy says
May 1, 2009 at 8:37 amThose Marty Feldman eyes are freakin’ me out.
I would have totally given up already and just donated whatever shoes I ended up with when the music stopped. Bossy is tenacious!
rikki says
May 1, 2009 at 8:45 amThat picture is genius! I sprayed Diet. Dr. Pepper out my nose when I saw bug-eyed Bossy. I needed that. Thanks!
MariaV says
May 1, 2009 at 8:47 amDitto Manic Mommy. Those eyes are giving me the creeps. “Why are they following me?!!”
You’re determined, Bossy. I would have given up after the first return.
Hokie Deb says
May 1, 2009 at 8:48 am–>Bossy makes me laugh with her clog saga.
I have my favorite pair of Reef flip flops that I will never be able to replace if something bad happens to them. I bought a new pair and they still sit in the closet.
http://thaxtonfam.blogspot.com
L says
May 1, 2009 at 8:52 amI was not expecting the eye’s. It is this kind of stuff that makes Bossy’s blog the best. Keep up the good work. You make my day.
corrie says
May 1, 2009 at 8:55 amThose eyes were too scarey for first thing in the morning!
I really like the strappy sandals Bossy started with, then the green clogs were a great second choice. Blue clogs are functional, but Mary Jane heels? Bossy is on thin ice~ by the time you factor in stylish accents to make them NOT like Aunt Bee, you’ve lost the casual funky to too-much!
I really look forward to hearing how this latest choice works out. And also to see a pic of you next to your DH for height comparison wearing those heels!
Amanda says
May 1, 2009 at 9:05 amand this is why, although I buy everything else online, I will not buy shoes online. Also I have phone phobia so I would never have been able to make all those phone calls. I would have suffered with the first pair.
kristin says
May 1, 2009 at 9:07 amWait. I thought John Cusack was (one of) your husband(s)? He’s like 6’5″, so you should be good as long as you only wear your very cute new shoes when you’re out with him.
Debby says
May 1, 2009 at 9:14 amYou have not paid one dime for shipping during this pandemic have you? ~phew~, then your’e good, order, receive, ship back, re-order away!
JennyM says
May 1, 2009 at 9:15 amCrazy-eyes Bossy made me laugh out loud at work.
zelzee says
May 1, 2009 at 9:15 amI keep stacking shoe boxes that I plan on returning one of these days…………..(They look so dang cute in the picture)
To date 5 pairs of shoes are history…………well, as soon as I get to UPS………..
Knittergran says
May 1, 2009 at 9:24 amI LIVE in Danskos. Guess I’ll have to shop locally for them. But I do LOVE the last pair you ordered. I hope they fit and that you will love them.
pamela says
May 1, 2009 at 9:35 amDear God, Bossy! If these shoes aren’t right, just send them the zombie-eye picture and they’ll walk to China to make it right because, to quote Bossy, SISTER MERCY that’s a creepy picture.
karen l says
May 1, 2009 at 9:46 amOMG my eyes! You’ve burned the image onto my retina! Dontcha love online shoe shopping? Gotta love a site that will take back shoes without shipping charges! I have icky feet and being able to find my size online is priceless (size deep and wide short)
RuthWells says
May 1, 2009 at 10:01 amI have a similar relationship going with Macys’ better sportwear department right now. It’s exhausting.
g says
May 1, 2009 at 10:13 amI can kill me some hours by shoe-shopping at Zappos…..it’s my drug of choice.
Kymberley says
May 1, 2009 at 10:16 amWow Bossy, what a drawn-out ordeal! Hope these new (and adorable) MJs work out. Why is it that 9.5-10s are so hard to buy? I have the same problem!
Karen K says
May 1, 2009 at 10:19 amI had to laugh at this. Sometimes when something gets too hard, or takes too much effort, or the wrong size comes or whatever, you just have to call the whole deal off. I get obsessed with situations like this where I must make it happen and usually it turns out to be a disaster that really pisses me off. Moral of the story: Give it up, Bossy. Give it up. You will feel much better.
And, the Aunt Beas shoes weren’t THAT terrible, were they? I think I might have a pair in my closet. Hee hee!
Jennifer says
May 1, 2009 at 10:35 amI have a pair of Soffts (the last pair you ordered) and I LOVE them. I hope those work for you. They are really cute.
Alias Mother says
May 1, 2009 at 10:50 amI own approximately 750 pairs of Mary Jane-style shoes. But now I need to get those shoes in the last picture to make it a nice, even 751 pairs. You know, when I get out of poverty. Which will be some time in 2132. Do you think they make Size Dead-for-60-years?
Bridget says
May 1, 2009 at 10:52 amI think I saw one of those on TV last night. Basketball player husband, I mean. I also saw a lot of large shoes. Those were on the basketball player husband’s feet. They definitely weren’t mary jane heels though. Does it still count?
~annie says
May 1, 2009 at 11:13 amIt’s really not fair that 5’11” Bossy is taking all the size 9 1/2 and 10 shoes out of circulation while short 5’7″ ME is in dire need of those very same sizes. Oh, wait. That just answered #17 Kymberley’s question…
onlineshoes.com says
May 1, 2009 at 11:45 amDear BOSSY,
The 2nd pair of Mary Janes you ordered are now unavailable in your size. However, our team, here at onlineshoesforbossy.com, would like to make a suggestion for an alternative to the Mary Janes. It’s a suggestion we reserve for only our most discerning customers and our most problematic people we try to give free shoes to: Zappos.com.
Sincerely,
onlineshoesisfinallyridofbossy.com
Kelly says
May 1, 2009 at 11:46 amThis is why I don’t buy clothing or shoes over the internet!! I have a hard enough time finding the perfect thing in person. Oh dear, the eye picture made me laugh out loud!
Half Assed Kitchen says
May 1, 2009 at 11:49 amYou can borrow me, I’ll be your husband.
David says
May 1, 2009 at 12:00 pmRemind me to never go shopping with Bossy unless I’m hooked up to an IV stocked with vodka.
bossy's friend amy says
May 1, 2009 at 12:07 pmdear bossy – greetings from paris – send the shoes back – converse one star shoes are ALL THE RAGE in Paris – everybody wears them – young, old and in between…
Martha says
May 1, 2009 at 12:08 pmI think you will really like the Sofft heels. I am a huge Dansko fan but have found the same sizing problems. I actually have a pair where the left one is tighter than the right!
Tip: go to a fancypants store to try on the shoes then go home and order online & save $$$. I saved $50 on some Sofft boots.
The Domestic Goddess says
May 1, 2009 at 12:18 pmdoooood…that so stinks about the clogs. I love me some clogs, too. Boohoo!
txsjewels says
May 1, 2009 at 12:24 pmtxsjewels thinks bossy is a total crackup! don’t mess with bossy shoes. just do. not.
Happy Hour Sue says
May 1, 2009 at 1:02 pmI loved clogs in 1980, when I used to rock them with knee socks, and I love them now.
If I recall, I had some Mary-jane clogs back in the day. That shiz was tight.
joeinvegas says
May 1, 2009 at 1:03 pmMaybe Bossy Husband can get some neat shoes with heels too.
Shayera says
May 1, 2009 at 1:10 pmAw! There there. If it helps at all, the last pair, being Sofft, should be super awesome. I bought a pair of their shoes in January. Wore them out of the store, in fact. And they both rock and rule. I ordered a pair from their website as well. Both pairs are fantastic. I can wear them for longer than 8 hours and not be absolutely tortured.
Ms. Cranky Pants says
May 1, 2009 at 1:14 pmchrist on a cracker, bossy, don’t ever, ever show me those aunt bea/wicked witch of the west shoes ever, ever again!! i’ll have nightmares for weeks.
Maria says
May 1, 2009 at 1:22 pmThis is SO why ordering online is FRAUGHT, I tell you, FRAUGHT. But then, at my age, so is a shopping (where shopping equals getting into a car and driving to a store)
foolery says
May 1, 2009 at 1:39 pmWow, who does your makeup, Bossy? Because it makes your eyes look small.
cynthiagirl says
May 1, 2009 at 1:45 pmOh the things we girls do for our shoes.
Domesic Goddess (in training) says
May 1, 2009 at 1:52 pmFrom clogs to hottie heels in thirty steps… It should be a self help book for the footwear impaired.
sevedra says
May 1, 2009 at 1:59 pmoh, yeah. That all sux so much! I never ever order shoes online. After that one time I did in 1997 and it was a disaster and then that one other time I did in 2000 thinking the first disaster had worn off. I was wrong. I only buy shoes in person.
reen says
May 1, 2009 at 2:06 pmYou NAILED it, Bossy! Those are sweet!!
jen says
May 1, 2009 at 2:20 pmChrist in a crackhouse, this is hilarious.
The final shoes rock.
penny says
May 1, 2009 at 4:27 pmJust think of all the shoes you got to try on, all in the comfort of your own home!
Seriously though, go try them on in a store and then buy them online. That’s what I do with Birkenstocks because, wow, I love them, but I would not be able to afford them anymore if I didn’t buy them online.
Surcie says
May 1, 2009 at 4:46 pmThose are mighty nice. Per chance, have you tried Dansko’s Marcelle mary janes? I quite enjoy mine.
Golden says
May 1, 2009 at 7:16 pmI had a thought about your pursuit for Dansko clogs….
Your old ones are open backed. The new green ones are closed back. Are you sure that the reason why when you hold them side by side isn’t explained by the difference in the shoe style…other than the fact that the ones your ordered don’t fit.
Ally Tart Check says
May 1, 2009 at 7:45 pmOh, Bossy. Please write a book.
kay bryan says
May 1, 2009 at 8:30 pmBossy, I am crying so hard right now! Your Dansko mischpookle is giving me the wookies!
What size did you wear in the olden days of your first pair? I need to know because I have 7,054 pairs of Danskos and know everything (about everything).
Marinka says
May 1, 2009 at 9:30 pmHas Bossy considered amputation?
carma says
May 1, 2009 at 10:21 pmonlineshoes needs to send a professional shoe fitter to Bossy’s home. Hey, I didn’t even realize that was a real job until I just googled it to confirm. I learn so much when I check out Bossy’s blog. I is smart now
Jason says
May 1, 2009 at 10:48 pmI too am stuck on the eyes. I think I’m a little afraid of you now.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
May 1, 2009 at 11:24 pmI’m pretty sure once Bossy sees Christ on a Clog, she’ll know it’s the right shoe.
gwen jackson says
May 1, 2009 at 11:59 pmThose shoes are so cute they make my heart hurt. Enjoy wearing them! You will look so pretty in them.
Greg says
May 2, 2009 at 12:14 amjeezaws. 5’11”? tall drink of water… polished means perfect. 10-4.
ps: you’re now on their Christmas card list.
Heidi says
May 2, 2009 at 1:08 amBecause Of Bossy, I got the green Danskos from Zappos. And they fit. But. They are not made for mah feets. So back they went. The end.
Catherine McP says
May 2, 2009 at 3:33 amI’m particular about my AZ ass flip flops..have to be the perfect height, (I’m short) sturdyness, cuteness, I own 867 black and brown pairs of them and when I find them I buy 5 pairs all at once so they last for a long time. The eye thing made me itch my eyes all day.
Bush Babe says
May 2, 2009 at 7:52 amOh dear… Dansko must be rueing the day they worked with Bossy… too funny. Those eyes are making mine twitch. Blink please!!!
BB
janet says
May 2, 2009 at 9:32 amJust in case this all doesn’t work out, and I don’t know what makes me even say that, how ’bout this? Go to a real life store, try on the Danskos, and see what you like and what fits. Then call onlineshoes.com blah blah and order them.
Know it All says
May 2, 2009 at 12:35 pmI’m with #45–I’d wait in line for your book–you’re hilarious Bossy! The eyes are super-creep and I lovex3 the final pick for the Mary Janes. Next time try that angle thing on the shoe website–you have to inspect from every angle so as not to make a fugly shoe purchase!
Formerly Unemployed Susan says
May 2, 2009 at 9:53 pmClogs don’t have backs.
Reeb says
May 2, 2009 at 11:05 pmBossy is geting a LITTLE TOO persnickety for her umm whatevers (can’t remember how Mom used to say it) just because some online shoes company thought she had enough reader coverage to merit serious advertising via the BossyLine, not knowing how Intensely Complicated that would become for them.
PS. My niece and nephew called me Aunt B. Because back then I was “Becky” and they were born Back Then.
PPSS. Never mind those American Idol versions of bloggers — aka who online-votes the most for you. Dangit, YOU have online shoe companies jonesing for your attention.
PPPSSS. #23 comment: THE BEST
PPP etc ew, where’d those eyes come from?
diesel says
May 2, 2009 at 11:12 pmI understood all of this except the part where you didn’t just go to Target and buy the first pair that fit you.
jenB says
May 3, 2009 at 4:22 amTarget does not sell anything that resembles the magic of a Dansko shoe. I have three pairs, one of them sandals that I just wore to VEeas and walked and walked and walked and walked it and now I want to kiss Mr and or Mrs Dansko. Also, Mrs. Bossy, you never cease to crack me up. ALSO, you get the shoes you want! be picky!!
xo
Melizzard says
May 3, 2009 at 8:48 amonline shoes = stress
thatgirlblogs says
May 3, 2009 at 1:34 pmreading your blog makes me hate blogging because, you know, YOU RULE. I like the aunt bee shoes, btw.
Just Jamie says
May 3, 2009 at 2:40 pmI’m hoping there will be no need to factor in toe cleavage…
sugarpie says
May 3, 2009 at 6:34 pmI love Bossy. More, even, than I love lemon meringue pie. That said… this post sums up the reason I got out of retail. Love you, Mwah!
blackbird says
May 3, 2009 at 8:13 pmNah.
Those are gonna be too SHINY.
Teri says
May 3, 2009 at 10:11 pmI’m 6’2″ – my favorite shoes have 2.5 ” heels – that makes me…..well, a whole hell of a lot taller than my husband (who starts off shorter than me anyway!)
Andria and Co. says
May 3, 2009 at 10:54 pmI gave up years ago. That’s why I just wear flip-flops.
Oh, and this great pair of microfiber like slippers that I bought at Wal-Mart, that are designed to CLEAN THE FLOOR as you walk around the house. For only $5.87. I get more pleasure out of those than any person could get for $5.87 in an red light district.
ritabby says
May 4, 2009 at 7:55 amSomeone give Bossy her own talk show. She is just tooooo
funny!
Kelly says
May 5, 2009 at 1:03 pmThose so don’t look like Aunt Bee heels. So I can imagine the disappointment.