This past week Bossy traveled to a conference on the West Coast, which translates to eleven airborne hours with nothing but Skymall magazine.
Shall we? This is a lice-killing wand dressed as a vibrator:
Then there’s this:
Not to be confused with this:
And while on the subject of limbs:
And, just this morning, Bossy was wondering where to purchase a skeleton garden gnome family!
Of course there’s this:
And finally, what to get the person who has everything!
Jim "Genuine" Turner saysNovember 7, 2011 at 10:06 am
It was great meeting you last week in LA and it appears we had some of the same thoughts about the Skymall magazine!
Lovelyn saysNovember 7, 2011 at 10:25 am
I was looking for something to put on the shelf next to my Nessie the shy Loch ness monster figurine.
BSTBXH saysNovember 7, 2011 at 10:46 am
The fully dressed man in bed with the laptop looks like that little dude from “Will and Grace”
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] saysNovember 7, 2011 at 11:25 am
OK, I kind of want the Bigfoot “sculpture,” but I’ll wait until it’s on clearance for $6.95.
BossysMom saysNovember 7, 2011 at 11:58 am
what shit. but good for laughs!
Charlie saysNovember 7, 2011 at 12:10 pm
BWAHAHAHAHA! Thank you, Bossy. I may need to start flying just to get material.
Let’s tackle these one by one…
#1. It’s a louse-killer, a vibrator, AND an eyebrow trimmer. Perfect for anyone’s desert island list.
#2. Don’t let that next air disaster catch you snoozing. Don your cervical color BEFORE the plane goes down!
#3. “…an amusing gift, especially for those who have everything.” Yeh, everything except hair. Try giving your amputee friend an umbrella stand with a shoe on it.
#4. The sneaker impaler. No that’s not creepy. At all.
#5. Want a guaranteed pat-down from TSA screeners? Try boarding your flight with this thing clamped to your wrist.
#6. And THIS is what happens when you don’t feed your lawn gnomes. Can people be convicted of gnome cruelty?
#7. The “Vampire Edition” lets you work while hanging upside down.
#8. Do they make a phone that looks like a toilet? Because I want EVERYTHING in my house to look like a toilet.
#9. “Bashful Yeti” is also available in “Bashful Mugger” and “Bashful Sex Offender” editions.
MidLyfeMama saysNovember 7, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I am left speechless.
Olivia saysNovember 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Olivia will be flying tomorrow but here in Canada we don’t have anything that interesting to read on airplanes. Unless she brings her own reading material Olivia will be reading the instructions on the air sickness bag or perusing the magazine that shows her all the places she COULD be flying to if she were one of the 1 percent!! And if she were one of the 1% why would she be flying economy? Or even commercially?
As for Skymall – whatever that is (??) – Olivia kinda fancies the skeleton garden gnomes . . .
Jacquie saysNovember 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm
That skeleton gnome family is beyond awesome.
Jami saysNovember 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Fine print: “Lice wand available only to licensed exterminators and CSI personnel.”
Fine print 2: “Warning – neck pillow must be fitted by licensed installer to avoid impeding blood flow to brain.”
“The Wrist Cell Phone Carrier – for people not quite brave enough or nerdy enough to wear a Bluetooth earpiece / headphones and leave their phone in their purse or pocket.”
“Tired of having to give your furry pets water all the time? Train them to drink from the toilet!”
Rich Brooks saysNovember 7, 2011 at 9:53 pm
I agree w/Jacquie: that skeleton gnome thing is the shit. How can you hate on that?
It does make you wonder why the middle skeleton gnome is wearing a belt, though. What’s it holding up?
Zoiago saysNovember 7, 2011 at 10:46 pm
Trust me, the Skel-e-dog is awesomeness wrapped in awesome. I was thumbing through Skymall while in the no-Kindle zone (take-off & landing) & found the skeleton gnomes. Perfect for Day of the Dead! And my cats are relieved that I dress him up instead of them. Everyone wins!
Gail K. saysNovember 7, 2011 at 11:18 pm
OMG! They honestly have the craziest crap in the SkyMall catalog! Think about it if you walked into your local mall and saw half this sh*t you would run from said mall and never get out of bed again. But when you are trapped in a flying vibrator with wings what are you gonna do except be amused. I love SkyMall catalogs..them and Brookstone! What? You mean you don’t need a $10,000.00 wine opener that will tell you that your taste is in your mouth and it is all bad so the wine you just opened will be wasted on you?
Cupcake Murphy saysNovember 7, 2011 at 11:24 pm
The Yeti looks like Herman Cain.
foolery saysNovember 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I so need an angry subhuman spying on me from behind trees. How’d ya know, Sky Maul?
Alissa saysNovember 10, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Eleven hours?! How many stops did you make? Without proper medication, that would just about kill me.
runnergirl saysNovember 10, 2011 at 9:16 pm
I like the skeleton gnome family. And the toilet bowl beverage holder cracked me up. Do they make a mug like that for humans?
Donalyn saysNovember 10, 2011 at 9:42 pm
I hate regular gnomes, but the skeletons might just have to find their way to my garden….
moe99 saysNovember 16, 2011 at 1:15 am
Reminds me of the regretsy website:
midlifenatalie saysNovember 16, 2011 at 8:03 pm
For those people on my Christmas list who I can never figure out what to buy that bigfoot tree sculpture is looking pretty good right now.
nancypants saysNovember 25, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Hysterical. Love the Big Foot. Me get one.
Joel Leichty saysDecember 30, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Love this! I travel all the time for work so I started a blog about Skymall: airmall.tumblr.com.