Recently a friend suggested Bossy join Tinder, a dating app that lives on your phone.
Here’s how it works: When you open a Tinder profile, that profile is allowed access to certain elements of your Facebook page, for instance all of it. That means Tinder uses the Facebook profile photos you select, and Tinder is allowed to see your Facebook friends and interests.
Next you write yourself a tagline, and select the distance and age range you are willing to consider. For instance, Bossy quickly realized she needed to advance her distance range from twenty miles outside of Philadelphia to something approaching Jupiter.
Then, based on your criteria, Tinder recommends people who stack like playing cards on your iPhone screen, giving you the option to either like or reject them. It’s based on a blind match, meaning you never know who likes you until you select them. It is also based on a blind match in the sense it helps if at least one of you is blind.
For instance, meet Johnnie Cochran Stanley.
If you press the green heart, Stanley is categorized as liked. If you press the X, the word nope is rubber stamped across his profile. If you would like more information, you can press the little blue i which allows you to see the person’s tagline, such as, “Arnold Palmers are my favorite drink and I hate cats.”
But perhaps the most fascinating element of Tinder is the fact you can see if you have any shared friends or shared interests, and who and what they are, which helps you vet your prospects.
After a brief time spent on Tinder, where brief equals a sister got carpal tunnel syndrome rejecting her fellow Tindergartners, Bossy has compiled the following list of reasons to hit Nope:
- Your Teacup Yorkie
- Your sunglasses propped in your baseball hat
- Your sinister anime profile photo
- Your quote: Do not fault me for my excess
- Your Super Bowl ring
- Your fishing vest
- Your use of Pierce Brosnan’s photo as your own
- Your vinyl siding
- Your girlfriend. In the photo. With you
- Your messy house behind your head
- Your description of your journey
- Your emoticons
If you enjoyed this post about dating, click here to read about the time a friend of Bossy’s caught another friend… oh just read it.
Or click this link to read about Bossy’s crush on Match Game’s Gene Rayburn.
Or read this post from years ago about the time The Bossy family played a board game and nearly murdered each other.
Kelly says
August 26, 2013 at 2:13 pmOh, Doug. Oh, no. No, no no….(And: really??)
monstergirlee says
August 26, 2013 at 2:18 pmI cannot think of a worse way to do online dating. oh em gee indeed.
Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food says
August 26, 2013 at 2:33 pmSister Mercy.
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
August 26, 2013 at 2:53 pmWhat. The. Fuck?!
TracyontheRocks says
August 26, 2013 at 3:12 pmAHHHHHHHHHHH!! My roommate joined this!! She was like, “What the hell, I keep meeting these losers on Tinder.” My response, “You don’t say…”
I mean, it’s basically a booty call app (-lication not –etizer) !!!
Hey, at least you are “putting yourself out there.” I detest that expression. It’s not like I’m waiting for Mr. Right to walk into my living room, although I wouldn’t kick him out if he did….but it’s scary to open yourself up so props to you Bossy for giving it a-go.
Little Miss Sunshine State says
August 26, 2013 at 3:13 pmStanley looks likes a gynecologist and Doug might be looking for a threesome.
My son and his sweet girlfriend found each other on OK Cupid but they both had to weed through a lot of crazies to find each other.
bossysMom says
August 26, 2013 at 3:27 pmI don’t think Bossy is “looking”. Just having a little fun. And by the way, what is the first fellas info, forward me. (The fella with the shrimp cocktail).
Lovelyn says
August 26, 2013 at 4:18 pmA teacup yorkie is definitely a reason to push the nope button on Tinder.
Charlie says
August 26, 2013 at 4:28 pmMy ex-wife found her 2nd husband online. But that was when “online” meant AOL chat rooms and “app” meant crab puffs (or shrimp). There was no such thing as Facebook, let alone a “social media profile.” They had to get to know each other thru prolonged conversations, first online and then by phone, because she lived on the East Coast, and he on the West. They are still together and have 2 great kids.
As for the “Tindergartners” (love that), I can’t be sure what prompted old Dougie *choose* to make a nude embrace with an unnamed woman his profile pic. But as an attorney might say: “it speaks to state of mind.”
Very much enjoyed Bossy’s exclusion criteria (“sunglasses propped on baseball hat”), tho in fairness, the hat may have a prescription. “Your fishing vest” actually made me spit my iced coffee. Apologies to you fishermen out there. But if “Surprise honey! Will you gut these for me?” is a man’s idea of a pickup line, best he reveal that up front. Just like if he’s on parole or Megan’s list.
I wish Bossy luck. As men get older, we get weirder.
Chrisor says
August 26, 2013 at 5:43 pmHeaven help us all. Where did they come up with the name Tinder? Is that supposed to mean “what you use to start a fire”? Get the hose, you’re going to need it to wash away all the vomit. These online dating sites are enough to keep people married (happily or not) forever just to avoid them!
Jami says
August 26, 2013 at 5:46 pmTry OkStupid. Or maybe it’s OkCupid.
The second one.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
August 26, 2013 at 7:39 pmTinder is the fright.
Jackson Browne (one of my long lost husbands) knew how to call it, lo these many years ago. A visionary, he was.
I feel your pain.
krg says
August 27, 2013 at 7:18 amI love bossy’s mom
joeinvegas says
August 27, 2013 at 9:41 amDid you ‘Like’ anyone? We need more scientific results – it might be best if you just went out with all of them and reported back.
Mona (Moxie-Dude) says
August 29, 2013 at 1:28 pmOh can I relate. So all the “I-met-my-husband-on-a-dating-site-and-we’re-soooooo-in-love (drool) – these are made up of PAID ACTORS, right?
KathyB says
September 8, 2013 at 8:33 pmYeah, Bossy can ditch that app now and keep the shrimp. A little too quick and dirty for real.
When my daughter was ready to start dating after her divorce, lightly, not seeking a match. She used one of the online things. Maybe match.com. Most of the guys she met were really looking for a new wife and she said g-bye pretty quick. But she enjoyed meeting a few of them and getting to know them a little.
My cousin met her soul mate online. They have been together now for more than a dozen years. Her first two husbands were not good matches. First time in her life that I have seen her really happy.